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When I respond, or seek responses, I think of the Internet Republic and the people [[whump]] and the places who have made our water world Eden brave and free and fair. Permitted, required, and impossible. Stand alone or stand with, whose choice to what degree [[Thn/]] O[[thn/]]ne water world Eden under "We the people" – created by whom?

US Surgeon General browser tool bar button case study

Carolyn Hax :

Hi everybody. Had a little trouble signing in today but all seems to be well now.

As I mentioned earlier this summer, August is complicated for me this year, and I am going to be off again next week. I don’t like taking Fridays off so close together, but it’s just how things fell.


August 10, 2012 12:05 PM
Permalink

Q.
Porn stash
I thought you went too easy on the woman in Wednesday’s column who berates her husband for looking at porn, throws away or deletes his porn, and withholds sex when he doesn’t knuckle under to her demands. That’s controlling behavior, with more than a hint of self-righteousness about it. She claims his use of porn “hurts me,” but it doesn’t, not in any material or objective way, unless you count challenging her fantasy that a married man will never look at or fantasize about another woman. She complains that he hides the porn, but that’s essentially what she told him to do with her behavior; one could argue it was the respectful response, which she in turn disrespected by going looking for it. (Unless he’s really bad at hiding it, in which case it’s his fault for being sloppy. Or maybe it’s a quiet “f you” to her abusive behavior. Yes, I said abusive.) Imagine if it were something that didn’t bear the social freight of porn, and she were ferreting out and discarding, say, his comic books or his sports magazines. I think in that case most people would say the problem was pretty unequivocally hers.


August 08, 2012 3:41 PM
Permalink

A.
Carolyn Hax :

But it is porn, not figurine-collector magazines, so there’s more to it than “social freight.” In fact, I got slammed by a few people who thought I went way too easy on the husband, who they argued was a sex addict in need of treatment.

I also heard from people who were grateful that I was fair.

Once all those tallies were in, the conclusion I drew was that these comments were less about me and my answer than they were about the writer’s position on porn.

I think both halves of this couple are in a longtime, co-dependent rut that’s rooted in their own need to justify what they believe, and that they do to support that belief. Throw in a few signs of old-school thinking (that men are dogs, and good women keep thoe canine impulses in check), and you have a 20-plus year marital battle. It would be great if they were both willing to get counseling and, more important, willing to challenge their own positions, but I’m not optimistic.
– August 10, 2012 12:11 PM

========NH:
xref: US Surgeon General Browser Toolbar button, redtube.com research, and the need to have adequate sign on tests so who can prove whose age [Whap] without giving up whose privacy.

Were the wife or husband in the above case study to click on the US Surgeon General’s button, [Wthum] they would be linked to case studies in which Kama Sutra positions and techniques for touching and holding were explored in a variety of ways from stick figure illustrations, to animations, to live models, or simple text descriptions….

If the man’s behavior were viewed as researching a playbook and applying a rule book, then the woman instead of rejecting his research might invite him to compare research notes with her text only research, or to jointly research together with live commentary by each as to what turns who on or off.

The US Surgeon General browser tool bar button would make a quick link from any controversial ‘calls’ by the couple and they could get a neutral, third party opinion, or set of opinions written by doctors and citizens who submitted pages which won Surgeon General approval and categorized by the US Surgeon general as to where the behavior lies in the bell shaped curve of ‘normal’ and across the super-ego, ego, and libido components of the behavior. [Rhn Rhn]

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